(This actually started as an email to my best friend, but halfway through I decided to post parts of it here.)
Okay, I guess it was time for my tinnitus to intensify. It had been holding steady for a long while, and I was proud of myself for dealing with it so well. But it's easy to deal with it when it hasn't changed for a while. It had been loud all this time, but I had gotten used to it at that level.
It's now worse than it has ever been. I would have been curled up into a ball on the floor whimpering for it to stop a few years ago. But I'm tougher than I used to be. I've still lost some sleep (though not as much as I used to), but I know I will adjust to the new loudness in a couple of weeks. My auditory sensitivity intensified as well, as it always does, so my ears feel, the only words I can use to describe it are raw and sore, like some physical injury has been done to them. Which is weird. I was sitting quietly at home in front of my computer Monday night when all of a sudden it was a lot louder. I did nothing to cause this. It was totally random and out of nowhere.
I had been posting on the tinnitus support board that it gets better, hang in there, don't give up, to people who were still suffering. But I guess it was my turn. I still haven't tried to get on the drug Mirapex yet. Now maybe I'll make an appointment. I had been in no hurry to try it -- my tinnitus was under control and not bothering me. And now I've read of one person who didn't improve while on Mirapex, but it did make his foot swell painfully. But I guess I have a real reason to try it now. We'll see. I'm back on a constant schedule with notched sound therapy now. Eight hours a day for the next two weeks, and constant sound enrichment, until my brain pushes the tinnitus back into the background. I've had to re-habituate a few times in the past, and it's always easier and faster than it used to be. It took me about two weeks to recover last time. Either my tinnitus returned to baseline or I adapted to the new baseline.
I'm still going to work and giving my best effort, despite being physically tired. I'm on day three of a six-day stretch before my next day off. When my tinnitus cranked itself up in April 2007, I had total insomnia and went into a bottomless depression, and took a one month leave of absence from work. Now, ironically, my tinnitus is louder than ever but I deal with it and keep going to work. I'm relying on caffeine to stay productive at work, despite the sleep deficit. The first thing that happens when you have a sleep deficit is, you stop meditating. Because I always nod off when trying to meditate when I'm tired.
This will pass. I've seen this happen to me about once a year since 2009. Within two weeks, my life is typically back to normal. During my down time when this happens, if I'm not too tired, I make art. When I'm fully immersed in a picture I'm working on, I'm in that world and I forget the tinnitus. I always get really creative during these phases, even if the finished product is bad. It keeps me involved in something I love. Anyway, this is temporary. It will pass.
Okay, I guess it was time for my tinnitus to intensify. It had been holding steady for a long while, and I was proud of myself for dealing with it so well. But it's easy to deal with it when it hasn't changed for a while. It had been loud all this time, but I had gotten used to it at that level.
It's now worse than it has ever been. I would have been curled up into a ball on the floor whimpering for it to stop a few years ago. But I'm tougher than I used to be. I've still lost some sleep (though not as much as I used to), but I know I will adjust to the new loudness in a couple of weeks. My auditory sensitivity intensified as well, as it always does, so my ears feel, the only words I can use to describe it are raw and sore, like some physical injury has been done to them. Which is weird. I was sitting quietly at home in front of my computer Monday night when all of a sudden it was a lot louder. I did nothing to cause this. It was totally random and out of nowhere.
I had been posting on the tinnitus support board that it gets better, hang in there, don't give up, to people who were still suffering. But I guess it was my turn. I still haven't tried to get on the drug Mirapex yet. Now maybe I'll make an appointment. I had been in no hurry to try it -- my tinnitus was under control and not bothering me. And now I've read of one person who didn't improve while on Mirapex, but it did make his foot swell painfully. But I guess I have a real reason to try it now. We'll see. I'm back on a constant schedule with notched sound therapy now. Eight hours a day for the next two weeks, and constant sound enrichment, until my brain pushes the tinnitus back into the background. I've had to re-habituate a few times in the past, and it's always easier and faster than it used to be. It took me about two weeks to recover last time. Either my tinnitus returned to baseline or I adapted to the new baseline.
I'm still going to work and giving my best effort, despite being physically tired. I'm on day three of a six-day stretch before my next day off. When my tinnitus cranked itself up in April 2007, I had total insomnia and went into a bottomless depression, and took a one month leave of absence from work. Now, ironically, my tinnitus is louder than ever but I deal with it and keep going to work. I'm relying on caffeine to stay productive at work, despite the sleep deficit. The first thing that happens when you have a sleep deficit is, you stop meditating. Because I always nod off when trying to meditate when I'm tired.
This will pass. I've seen this happen to me about once a year since 2009. Within two weeks, my life is typically back to normal. During my down time when this happens, if I'm not too tired, I make art. When I'm fully immersed in a picture I'm working on, I'm in that world and I forget the tinnitus. I always get really creative during these phases, even if the finished product is bad. It keeps me involved in something I love. Anyway, this is temporary. It will pass.
